Parents of Tweens Thrilled by Social Distancing Guidelines

(a little satire from) Broomfield, CO

Wayne and Melissa Lancaster are thrilled by the government guidelines to stay six feet away from other people.

Ben Schonewille

When twin daughters Lori and Lana turned 12, the drama in the house became untenable. “At first when they’d get upset about something really important like the lag-time on their devices, we tried to comfort and connect with them,” says mom Melissa. “We even balanced stressful times with fun family outings and activities. Since the President’s recommendation, however, we simply keep our distance. It’s made parenting much, much easier.”

The couple is not alone as just a few doors down the Martinez family reported their boys are fun to live with now that they are on their own floor of the house most of the day. Instead of family dinners, Annie Martinez simply puts plates of food on the landing leading down to the family basement. The 9 and 11 year old boys reportedly are building a rocket with legos that will deliver desperately needed COVID-19 therapies around the Denver Metro Area.

The Lancaster twins, who were last seen surrounded by bottles of nail polish and slime, aren’t trying anything quite so ambitious. When asked exactly what his daughters are doing during this crisis, Wayne simply said, “I dunno,” and mumbled something like “I don’t care” unintelligibly under his breath.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *