Adrift
Up To Know Good

October 12, 2007

There are many reasons it took me over six months to start writing Up To Know Good again after Kira's birth. Obviously, we had the adjustment of a new baby, Myron accepted a new job, we moved a thousand miles to a new home, and I took three other airline trips with my newborn before her four month birthday.

These circumstances put my focus on my immediate family. I prioritized creating a home and a routine to give us security and sanctuary in the midst of all the change. But there is yet another reason that I was silent for awhile; I have been adrift.

Until recently, I didn't quite have the words, but that is the one that describes it best - adrift. Thankfully I am starting to realize that this lost, uneasy feeling isn't unique to me as a new mom. I'm not the first person to experience extreme feelings of euphoria and depression within one day, sometimes within the same hour.

Plus, I'm not the only person who has moved and feels out of place in a new town. Having grown up in Fargo, I'm familiar with the geography. However, my friends have all moved away (as I had), and I am truly starting over. Friendships take time to build, I have heard again and again. I will give them time, but meanwhile, I feel adrift.

Adrift - it's that queasy feeling of entering a room and being the new person. The uneasy sense of wondering what my daughter needs now. It's the apprehension of sharing my authentic self with you when I again just want to stay silent. But I don't need to stay silent. I now have the word. I am feeling adrift.

"Hope unswervingly," Paul told the Corinthians after encouraging them to "trust steadily in God." Click here to read more.

Though I feel quite unsteady at times, I do consistently hope. I have faith in God's constant love, presence, and guidance. I doubt myself often, but I am anchored in One Who does not change and will not let go of me - even when I am adrift.

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